life.

i am just amplified.

its not like im a slut or that i really like to fuck. i just want every boy i see to walk away with part of me until there's nothing left to hold. until there's nothing left to hate.

i know im a mess he don't want to clean up.

I'm trying to drink away the part of the day that i cannot sleep away

i feel so terrible.

emotionally.
physically.
im so drained.
ahhhh.




ii dont really have much to say.



last night was the stars show.
i went with adam and alex.
we frogged in the car.


it was a neat show.
there were ALOT of people.
and ALOT of hotties.


me and emily ended up hanging out with some band.
we went to the ...what some would call 'green room' type thing.
had some cocktails.
and yeah.

then i ended up in some back alley with that boy.
smooched him.
he asked for my number.
and i said ' you will never call me' and walked away.
he was so hott.
just thinking about him is getting me all hott and bothered.


btw. stars was really good live.
like REALLY good.
the girl from it seemed really bitchy when i was having cocktails with le band though.
but everyone else was really really really nice.

[and mostly good looking.]



i got home late.
woke up early.
i think i am going through a life crisis.
as usual.



i hate boys.
i hate ugly people.
and i hate being awake.



















going to sleep.

life is good when nothing matters.

oh, all these people in my life, they seem so in love. well i am not. memorizing my shoes in a cigarette shop.

just about thursday.
and saturday.




thursday.
after work i went home and felt under the weather.
but i ended up going to le hookah with paul darren kris.
blah blah blah


darren is LITERALLY the funniest person alive.
he was kind of frogged.
so he kept saranading me with some chris brown song on the drive down.

when we got there, it wasnt toooo crowded.
but it was an alright scene.


me and kris are so lolz.
a bunch of guys were walking by and holding drinks.

we literally grabbed the drinks out of their hands.
[shots, i think]
and down the hatch, they went.


saw nikki.
and she was there with catherine.
saw irene.
im sure i saw many people.


so
what makes me like myself sometimes is my ability to pick the biggest winner in the bar.
some guy with a windbreaker.
glasses.
camera.
but not in a hipster scum way, in an astrology club way.

ahh.
i was hitting on him forever.


then
i met some guy.
gave him hannahs phone number.
lol i dont know why.

and yeah.
we left darren there bc we were all too intoxicated to know what planet we wre on.

i think we went to pauls.
[blacked out ahhh]
then to kriss.

sexy dance in le undies
watched the illusionist.
dont know.

woke up.
after this mess.
and went to borders.
got a bunch of books.
some keourac . capote. some book called 'knifeboy'
a journal.
a bob dylan and arcade fire laser disc.





now for saturday.





i slept all day.
woke up.
calle dmy lover.

thennn
charles came and picked us up.
we went to his place.
and pAArtyed all night.


who the HELL knows what happend.

i think it was a good time.
tooooo much voooodka.
AHHH.



woke up like a crack head.
then went to kris who was in another room.


she wanted breakfast in bed.
so charles cooked her a treat.
went back to sleep.


some boy named justin drove us home.


now i am starving to death.
and going to search for some scraps.

















need to go tanning.
need to stop being an idiot jerk.